is Acceptance. I really thought about so many words, but this one kept popping back into my head and couldn't be ignored! That must mean something! The definition shows that this really is such a comprehensive word.........."receiving, recognition, assent, approval, permission" among others. I struggle the most with self-acceptance. Of course I always am quick to say it's because I'm such a.......well......BIG gal!! But really, it's so much more than that! I don't have a happy childhood........I suppose that's actually normal!! The scars I carry are deep, and very seldom do I talk much about any specifics. That's okay......it's not necessary that I do that. My wonderful and loving hubby has helped me through those! He was truly a blessed God-send I will say!!
But I have never accepted myself! Ever. And last year was quite a year of realization for me! I am not the stupid, unqualified, evil person I was raised to believe that I was! James really has helped me to sit down and look at what I have been able to accomplish! Both intellectually as well as emotionally and physically!! Spirituality still has quite a ways to go! The cruelest abuse was having the belief of a loving God and Father stolen from me as a child! So the rebuilding there is slow.
I've always loved people and volunteering and children and causes and my own little family...........but this thinking about Acceptance is showing me that if I cannot accept (and love) myself......I can only develop partial bonds with others and not as deep and lasting ones as I would really enjoy......and that we all need so we can be fulfilled and content!! (Suzanne's word!!)
So............2008.............some goals for Acceptance as I see them at the moment:
Accept myself........just as I am, but always striving to improve!
Accept my children and husband as an incredible GIFT from above!
Accept others, with their gifts and their flaws, but still knowing it's okay to protect my heart.
Accept my past.........knowing it will never change, but it also does not have to define me.
Accept help from others.........that may just be the toughest challenge!
I know there will be more goals and other steps.......but this is a start! And seeing it on my blog and occasionally "talking" outloud here.........here's hoping to a year full of Acceptance!